If Arnold is elected, you know who I'd feel sorry for? The people on death row. Imagine, you're about to be executed, the governor calls, you think it's your reprieve, and you hear 'Hasta la vista, baby.'

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.

In a new issue of Esquire magazine, they revealed that before he was married to Teresa Heinz, Senator John Kerry dated Morgan Fairchild, Michelle Phillips, Catherine Oxenberg and Dana Delany. Finally a Democratic presidential candidate with good taste in women.

I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the place where he first proposed to her - at her bank.