A lot of American companies are now moving into Iraq. Iraq now has Pizza Hut, Subway, Taco Bell and Popeye's fried chicken. So, great, instead of oil for food, we're giving them oil in food.

President Bush said the other day the war is not about timetables. It's about winning. Hey, it worked in Florida.

It's not called cocaine any more. It's now referred to as Crack Classic.

Have you noticed how the Republicans and Democrats try to copy each other at their conventions. Like at the Democratic convention John Kerry's daughter told a story about how he once gave CPR to her hamster. At the Republican convention the Bush girls are going to tell a story about how when their hamster was bad, their dad built them a little electric chair.

Kentucky Fried Chicken.. KFC... Keep Fooling Customers.

My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?

I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.