Political experts are saying the reason John Kerry is doing so well is because he's 'electable.' Hey, so was Al Gore - in fact, he even got elected and it didn't help him at all.

Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your next prostate exam.

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one.

Now this really annoys me: All these people getting on the Internet and saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today his name would be Miss Cleo and he'd be charging $2.99 a minute.

They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. The last time the average American weighed 170 pounds, the Wright Brothers were flying the plane.

A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that means? We are seeing Congress at its smartest and most effective right now.