Anybody who gives their car to a valet isn't a car guy

Valentines day are coming up and a German company has made chokolate in shapes of couples making love. I don't like them... I don't want my chokolate to have more fun than me.

Tonight was the CNN primary debate with the four remaining candidates. It was kind of a change for Newt Gingrich. Usually when he's arguing with three people at once, it's his wife, his ex-wife, and his mistress.

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards?

The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to the travels, they want to make it easier for us. They're instructing security guards to glance at your luggage tags so that they can call you by your first name. Isn't that creepy? The guy touching your wife, calling her by her first name.

The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn't that amazing? The guy has made just two videos and he's already gone Hollywood.

The car was the iPhone of the 20th century. Kids these days don't have to drive anymore. They just go there virtually.