What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence.

You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around.

According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it's simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to.

65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women.

As they do every year, al-Qaida has threatened to disrupt and ruin Christmas. You know, we already have a group that disrupts and ruins Christmas every year. They're called relatives.

Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.

Never perform for your family. They either laugh too hard or not at all.