President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida.

The other day the plane that Barack Obama was on had some mechanical difficulties and was forced to land. Well, the National Transportation Safety Board did an inspection on the plane, and you know what they found? The bolts on the plane were fine, but apparently Jesse Jackson had taken some of the nuts off.

President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas.

Scientists in Australia are working on making biodegradable car parts out of hemp. This might get confusing. When someone says, roll up the window, they might mean, roll up the window!

Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.

Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.

Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have a sexual relationship with an intern. Only Congress would need a rule to tell them cheating on their wives is not ethical. Don't we have that rule? I believe it's called the Sixth Commandment.