I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.

John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take the country back? See, he knows how the wealthy think. He can spy on them at his country club, at his place in Palm Beach, at his house in the Hamptons. He's like a mole for the working man.

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.

Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.

Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama’s economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America.

It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.