50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men!

Anybody who gives their car to a valet isn't a car guy

Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.

Attorney General John Ashcroft said there is a new credible terrorist threat. He said everything is under control; not to panic. And then he went back to his harmonically sealed bunker.

The military said we'll be able to confirm Saddam is dead with DNA testing. Apparently we have a sample of his DNA. So Monica Lewinsky is working for the CIA?

In his annual economic report to Congress President Bush said that the transfer of American jobs overseas is actually part of a positive transformation that will enrich the U.S. economy over time. So basically, losing your job to someone else can be a good thing. Of course we'll see how he feels about that in November.

My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?