Well, President-elect Barack Obama and his family are gonna spend the holidays in his home state of Hawaii. And you know who couldn't be more thrilled with this? The press, the reporters who follow the president. Well, think about it. After eight years of spending every holiday cutting brush in Crawford, Texas, they get to go to Hawaii!

The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn't that amazing? The guy has made just two videos and he's already gone Hollywood.

Jesse Jackson's in trouble. They're going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize.

All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.

A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.

Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio.

(The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep getting rid of the dumbest person, so just the smartest person is left. It is kind of the opposite way we elect a president.