The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get his money, he'll be dead in a week.

Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just need to find someone who remembers Bush working on an economic plan. ... I think the White House spent more money looking for this guy than finding weapons of mass destruction.

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.

Ratings for the XFL are so low that pretty soon they'll be able to address the viewers by name.

Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts.