They were going crazy in Kansas. People were up to 9 p.m. I think that was the greatest thing to happen to Kansas since the eradication of the boll weevil.

If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers.

President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his?

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

Scientists in Australia are working on making biodegradable car parts out of hemp. This might get confusing. When someone says, roll up the window, they might mean, roll up the window!

The Mirror interviewed one of Osama bin Laden's sons and said bin Laden has 42 children. That's going to happen when you sleep in a different cave every night.

John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.