This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50.

San Francisco hosted the first medical marijuana job fair. The keynote speech was titled, 'Jobs and How to Avoid Getting One.'

We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.

I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?

President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.

The difference between Men and Women is that Men love The 3 Stooges, and Women think they're assholes.

A jury found former Enron sleezeballs Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling guilty of fraud and conspiracy. Ken Lay? That's not a good name to have when you're going to prison. And Kenny Boy ain't too good either. ... I guess in prison they'll have done to them what they did to the stockholders.