Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people.

I guess you heard about this; the U.S. Olympic Committee is coming under fire after it was revealed that the uniforms for Team USA to be worn in the opening ceremony were made in China. Turns out they were made by some of the same kids who could beat us in gymnastics. That's the worst part.

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side!

President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything.

And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most campaign speeches given in one day. He gave 21 speeches in one day. Of course, we have to take his word for it, because of course, there are no witnesses.

This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people."