Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people.

There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk with the Taliban, apparently they were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad.

All of Iraq's oil fields are under U.S. control which is ironic considering all the gas stations here are run by Middle Easterners.

Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign contributor to the Republican Party. So now, he'll be able to meet with those same people when he goes to prison.

You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger and Meg Whitman have in common? They both got in trouble for stiffing the maid.

Romney raised $10 million. That’s a dollar for every position he’s had on healthcare.

"I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark on the chalkboard.