U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?

They say there are something like 12 million illegal immigrants in the country right now, with another half a million coming every year. Remember in the last election when the Democrats claimed there was two Americas? Turns out one of them was Mexico.

This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people."

It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.

Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.

When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do the same jokes in a different place every night.

President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He said if his aides never learned to read, they'd never be able to tell him what's in the newspapers every day.