If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough.

How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

Show business is like Champagne. You'll appreciate it more if you don't drink it everyday

Jesse Jackson was involved in a three-car crash this weekend. I understand that no one was hurt, but I understand that two of the women in the other cars are now pregnant.

Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.

They said these North Korean missiles had enough range to hit Seattle, but residents in Seattle were not worried. Today Bill Gates said Microsoft has enough missiles to destroy North Korea ten times over.

I looked up the word POLITICS in the dictionary, and it's actually a combination of two words: poli, which means 'many,' and tics, which means 'bloodsuckers.'