Border agents have now been issued air guns that shoot pepper balls at people coming across the Mexican border. Have they thought this through? Is that going to bother people from Mexico? Pepper balls? Don't these people eat jalapenos? Isn't that like firing meatballs at an Italian guy?

Another air traffic controller fell asleep on the job, but he had a good excuse. He was watching President Obama’s deficit speech.

Martha Stewart is now under house arrest. So she'll go to her $40 million 153-acre estate. So she's going from the big house to an even bigger house.

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street

If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star.

President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation.

Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out on the ice and skate around reporters' questions, so it should be interesting.