As they do every year, al-Qaida has threatened to disrupt and ruin Christmas. You know, we already have a group that disrupts and ruins Christmas every year. They're called relatives.
Jay LenoCorporations complained about [safety] regulations, but let's face it, people walk away from accidents now that would have killed them when I was a kid
Jay LenoMajor league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.
Jay Leno