Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey is also a country. Did you see that all over the Internet today? While Sarah Palin was pardoning a turkey, right behind her was a guy slaughtering turkeys. But, see, like most Internet stories, a little half-true. Turns out that, after a couple of minutes listening to Sarah Palin's voice, the turkeys said 'Kill us now.'

Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans.

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke but I don't want to get audited by the IRS.

Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.

A survey has shown that the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. Something to keep in mind next time you're looking for a used car.

The circus doesn't stop. A federal appeals court has postponed the recall election. How stupid are we? Even our recalls get recalled.

Every year Steve Kaufman supports the charity “Love Ride” by donating a painting to this cause.