Last night, John McCain said that under the Democratic health care plan, a bureaucrat would stand between you and your doctor, as opposed to the Republican health care plan, where an accountant would stand between you and your health care.

Bill Maher and I are on against each other, and we're friends. He can do my show any time he wants, and I've done Politically Incorrect several times. There's no reason to think competition has to be adversarial.

President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse but not Goofy. He had to stay behind to tend to his vice presidential duties.

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about.

If you're a car salesman, and someone says "This is a terrible car, I'm not buying it," it doesn't mean they hate you. They just don't like your product. I think that's a mistake a lot of people in show business make.. they're so tied to their act they take everything personally.

And under the new guidelines issued by the Obama Administration, Federal agents will not pursue pot-smoking patients in states that allow medical marijuana. This new policy is called 'Don't Ask, Don't -- What Was I Talking About?'

Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.