It's always a job when you're the reason they're assembling. If you're just doing shows and you're on a lineup with eight other guys, it's fun, it's great.
First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife.
I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.
Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.
The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.
[George Carlin] was obsessive about time; he was obsessive compulsive about his material and making things shorter and more perfect. He did an HBO hour every other year. It's live; you have to be off-stage at 55 minutes. It's a network; you've got to be off. And it's perfect.