I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.

True Yankees are born, not made.

The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved into social commentary.

It's always a job when you're the reason they're assembling. If you're just doing shows and you're on a lineup with eight other guys, it's fun, it's great.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.