I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.

There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the "Hippie Dippie Weatherman" on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. "Forecast for tonight? Dark."

The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved into social commentary.

The anxiety is, "Are they going to come?" and when you get there and it's full you say, "I'm good. I can stop freaking out." But when it's four days out and they're scrambling to find more radio shows and Good Morning Phoenix and all these weird shows, then that gets very tiring.

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier.

[Joan Rivers] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. If you're a running back and you're 28 they're like, "Oh, here he goes, turning the corner on his career, he's on the downswing..."

If you were an actor, anybody could go on Broadway and take a George Carlin hour and do it on stage as a one man show. They're all stand alone essays.