I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.

The first time I watched [Keith] Olbermann, his opening monologue, I completely changed the way I approached my radio show.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

The anxiety is, "Are they going to come?" and when you get there and it's full you say, "I'm good. I can stop freaking out." But when it's four days out and they're scrambling to find more radio shows and Good Morning Phoenix and all these weird shows, then that gets very tiring.

I realized early I can manipulate the ceiling in the middle class. The allure becomes how far I can make the ceiling rise.

I don't have the ability to do a nine-to-five nor do I have the desire to. Stand-up is the only thing that's come completely naturally to me.

Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.