I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.

I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

My radio show, I'd show up, I'd read the data, and I would have sound bites and stuff like that.

I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

All I can do when I'm on stage is do a show where when I come back into town they cannot possibly afford to miss the show because they remember how fun it was.