Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.

There's nothing better for a comedian than adversity.

The roadwork is just rehearsal for that DVD you're going to film a year later.

I was not one of the popular kids, I was not great at sports, girls didn't pay attention to me.I was just pretty much an average kid, no stand-out abilities, nothing note-worthy.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto the tour bus with me once or twice a year so they can watch the performances and hear the crowds. Traveling with eighty-something-year-olds on a tour bus... there has to be some sort of reality show in that.

I try to make the majority of my audience laugh. That's my audience. They'll laugh at the dead terrorist.