If people are still buying tickets, and still buying the DVDs, and they're still watching on YouTube and my fifteen minutes of fame isn't finished yet, then I'll just keep doing it.

Most people when they have autobiographies, they're not autobiographies, they're biographies written by a ghost writer.

I was not one of the popular kids, I was not great at sports, girls didn't pay attention to me.I was just pretty much an average kid, no stand-out abilities, nothing note-worthy.

Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You either fight it or embrace it.

Up until college age I was using the typical little-boy dummy that sits on the knee and makes woodpecker jokes. My first original character didn't happen until later, and that was Jose the Jalapeno on a Stick.

The kids who come backstage that have cancer or whatever, make them laugh and smile for a little while, what's the problem with that? There isn't any.

The roadwork is just rehearsal for that DVD you're going to film a year later.