As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

If people are still buying tickets, and still buying the DVDs, and they're still watching on YouTube and my fifteen minutes of fame isn't finished yet, then I'll just keep doing it.

Most people when they have autobiographies, they're not autobiographies, they're biographies written by a ghost writer.

I was not one of the popular kids, I was not great at sports, girls didn't pay attention to me.I was just pretty much an average kid, no stand-out abilities, nothing note-worthy.

There's nothing better for a comedian than adversity.

Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday, I was there for every major event.