Growing up doing those Kiwanis Clubs, doing those Cub Scout banquets, doing those church shows, I learned to find that sensibility that most people could laugh at - that all ages and demographics could laugh at.

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic, it is my job to make the majority of people laugh, and I believe that comedy is the last true form of free speech.

I hate the beach - I'm a mountain guy. I'd much rather face a bear than a shark.

I was not one of the popular kids, I was not great at sports, girls didn't pay attention to me.I was just pretty much an average kid, no stand-out abilities, nothing note-worthy.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.