Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

Life is tough, and if we don't laugh, we're going to - our head will explode.

It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of that anymore.

Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.