I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Ninety percent of all prisoners in all jails get out some day. So why not give them a little levity in what's otherwise a very dark life?

Comedians a lot of times we're on the road, we're by our self. We come home to New York to our empty one-bedroom apartment, you know, and we need a place to go where you see a bunch of other miserable people sit around and eat a corned beef sandwich.

I like to roast things from the inside out. I like to know what's going on.

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.

The good thing about a jail show is nobody gets up and walks out.