How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

I usually have sex to my stand-up comedy album. Power move.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

South Park called...they want their everything back.

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

Ninety percent of all prisoners in all jails get out some day. So why not give them a little levity in what's otherwise a very dark life?

Maybe I'm corny, but I'm a big believer in second chances.