Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.
When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.
I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.
Life is tough, and if we don't laugh, we're going to - our head will explode.
My best friend is disabled. There's nothing he hates more than being left out of the jokes, to be treated with kid gloves. That's the insult.
I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.