Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.

When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.

South Park called...they want their everything back.

Ninety percent of all prisoners in all jails get out some day. So why not give them a little levity in what's otherwise a very dark life?