When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate.
Jeffrey BernardIn most betting shops you will see three windows marked 'Bet Here', but only one window with the legend 'Pay Out'.
Jeffrey BernardThe only reason I would have liked to have gone to university is because I like cricket. Not a very good reason to want to go, but as good as any, I suppose.
Jeffrey BernardThey smoke cigarettes professionally. The smoke is inhaled very sharply and the teeth are bared.Then the head turns to give you a profile and the smoke is exhaled slowly and deliberately and the grey jet stream becomes a beautiful blue cloud of smoke.What are they trying to tell us?
Jeffrey BernardOne of the things that goes with getting older is that one becomes more conservative - and I emphasise that when I use the word conservative I do not mean politically.
Jeffrey BernardI have stood in a bar in Lambourn and been offered, in the space of five minutes, a poached salmon, a leg of a horse, a free trip to Chantilly, marriage, a large unsolicited loan, ten tips for a ten-horse race, two second-hand cars, a fight, and the copyright to a dying jockey's life story.
Jeffrey Bernard