Oh, the self-importance of fading stars. Never mind, they will be black holes one day.

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate.

My misdeeds are accidental happenings and merely the result of having been in the wrong bar or bed at the wrong time, say most days between midday and midnight.

In most betting shops you will see three windows marked 'Bet Here', but only one window with the legend 'Pay Out'.

I enjoy doing nothing.

They smoke cigarettes professionally. The smoke is inhaled very sharply and the teeth are bared.Then the head turns to give you a profile and the smoke is exhaled slowly and deliberately and the grey jet stream becomes a beautiful blue cloud of smoke.What are they trying to tell us?

Although I have to admit I have despised a couple of people simply because they have never had a job in their lives.