I'm just going to go to schools and give inspirational speeches about our bodies. I'll just wear flowing dresses and talk way quieter than I can.

[Twitter] is not totally where I go anymore to sell myself as a concept, as a comedian, because it moves too fast.

At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy family.

I did buy a new piece of furniture so it's like, "Oh, that's something new." But generally my goals are made in the fall.

My brain does like the idea of hosting a late-night show. My brain does like the idea of maybe having a show about me. So, I often pitch ideas and work on scripts and do that just because I may not be right about how I feel, so why not just do this, and if it happens and I got my own show, well maybe I would really end up falling in love with it.

I just remember a creepy sex-ed teacher putting a banana on a condom and then saying, "It goes in the girl if she gets all juicy." We didn't even believe it. We were like, "Well, that's weird."

I realized I need a certain kind of chemistry and a certain kind of look to be into someone, and like 1 percent of the population has it.