The living room is a monument to my impulsive spending habits. I've got more than two hundred DVDs, including cinematic greats such as Monkey Bone, Corkey Romano, and A Night at the Roxbury, leading me to believe not only do I have awful taste in films, but I also have a Chris Kattan fixation. What I don't have is $4000 earing intrest in a money market account.

I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.

You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit.

Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

Seriously, our nation is never going to be on the same page on issues like gun control, welfare, the economy, the environment, etc. I doubt we'll ever come to terms on tastes great or less filling and hybrids versus Hummers, and there will always be Yankees fans and Red Sox fans, and never the 'twain shall meet. Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting.

No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning.