I've determined the ideal job for me is one where I can write clever essays about my life and my employer will give me enough money not only to live a comfortable existence, but also to buy many, many new pairs of shoes.

I tried, it was hard, I quit, the end. Story of my life.

No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken.

No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning.

I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.

I believe that I have such a vanilla life.

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated.