I tried, it was hard, I quit, the end. Story of my life.

I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.

I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors.

This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can wear white pants and unexpectedly get my period.

Amen,' I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse. Ten bucks says a month from now I'll have forgotten about it and will finally have said heart attack when I assume a rat shat in there.

For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer to believe I was hatched, or perhaps purchased.

I believe that I have such a vanilla life.