I can't believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don't feel like walking to the bathroom.

Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

Although I get a lot of specialty services like wraps, scrubs, and mustache removal, my favorite is the simple manicure/pedicure. They work on your hands and feet at the same time while you sit in a vibrating chair. I call it the sorority girls version of a threesome.

I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.

Expressing political opinion can be a powerful way to establish a character's voice when writing fiction.

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything.