Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning.

I tried, it was hard, I quit, the end. Story of my life.

Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.

Point? Maybe you aren't a Carrie or a Samantha or a Charlotte or a Miranda. Maybe you're just you.

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated.