I know there is much mystery, much question to what happened, and I must also say, many lies.

I do still have some of the experience from playing, but it's been so long since I've been out in those quarters, semis, finals, the important final matches, just against the top players.

I mean, I feel like just a new person completely.

Let me say that the path I did take for a brief period of my life was not of reckless drug use, hurting others, but it was a path of quiet rebellion, of a little experimentation of a darker side of my confusion in a confusing world, lost in the midst of finding my identity.

It wasn't my tennis that made me lose, it was a lot of different things going on, high drama, high emotion.

What I want out of tennis is not necessarily just winning.

To win Grand Slams you have to be in the right frame of mind, the right physical shape.