I've just got crap hair. Although I inherited a lot of stuff from my dad, including giant knees, I didn't get his good, thick hair. I got my mother's thin, wispy, non-event hair instead.

I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organize everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.

I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.

Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.

As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.