I've just got crap hair. Although I inherited a lot of stuff from my dad, including giant knees, I didn't get his good, thick hair. I got my mother's thin, wispy, non-event hair instead.

I am best viewed from a distance.

I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!

I don't think I'm successful.

I'm very bad at having heroes. I don't rate anyone particularly highly because I'm so snide and competitive and not very nice.

I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.