I can finally see that all the terrible parts of my life, the embarrassing parts, the incidents I wanted to pretend never happened, and the things that make me "weird" and "different," were actually the most important parts of my life. They were the parts that made me ME.

In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.

High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By)

Having your book edited is like watching your cat being operated on. It's uncomfortable and someone is probably going to get hurt. Most likely the cat. But in the end, things work out for the best and your cat is better it. And then your cat gets released in hardcover, and you have to read all of his reviews.

When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them.

A house should look lived in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and it doesn't give me cholera.

I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars.