I find it odd that people take me seriously.

The defining problem of contemporary television is trust: Can you believe what you see on television, does television treat people fairly, is it healthy for society?

I've spent my whole life being told I have a face like a horse. You are just what you are, aren't you?

Has there ever been a visitor to Ludlow who hasn't wished they lived there?

I got fed up of listening to bollocks

It would be unforgivable to use the role I have, such as it is, to inflict my incoherent, half-baked view of the world on people. That would be illegitimate and unacceptable and I should be fired.

I voted against Gerald Nabarro in my first general election, but my defiance made no difference. If you had put a Conservative rosette on a mustachioed hamster, it would have been elected.