When you lose your hands, you can't play baseball.
Benedict may not be as hurt as he really is.
On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx hairdo.
Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office.
There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base.
All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.