Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office.

A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on.

I like to use big words so people will think I know what I'm talking about.

On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx hairdo.

Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.

There's two heads to every coin.

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.