Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office.

The ballgame is over...in this inning.

DeShaies is like a clock out there. Every other pitch goes one way or the other.

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five.

Hi, folks, I'm Jerry Gross. No, I'm not, I'm Jerry Coleman.

Turner was like a pencil. He bent around that pitch!