A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on.

You never ask why you've been fired because if you do, they're liable to tell you.

I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.

The game in St. Louis has been halted in the fourth inning because of rain. I'll bet they have the jacuzzis going there.

There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base.

When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around.

The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin.