I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.
Dogs are the only mammals that will actually stare and look into a human’s eyes.
I'm the kind of guy who can't keep a plant alive for a week, let alone a relationship.
Buddy of mine once told me that he'd rather fly a jet than kiss his girl. Said it gave him more of a kick.
I highly suggest marriage to all my friends who are dating.
When you have little girls, you're the coolest person in the world. I know at some point that's going to end; in their adolescence I'll become the opposite of that, especially if I'm parked outside a high school party.