Playing professional football is something I'll never be able to do.

What dark corner of the soul did you crawl out of?

Buddy of mine once told me that he'd rather fly a jet than kiss his girl. Said it gave him more of a kick.

It's a different experience to be with your kids when your spouse isn't around.

I'm the kind of guy who can't keep a plant alive for a week, let alone a relationship.

I mean do women like to get the crap scared out of them at the movies? Sure. Of course.

Dogs are the only mammals that will actually stare and look into a human’s eyes.