Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

There is no more embarrassing thing in my life than the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, 'I would like to order the Ginsu Knife.'

If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."

The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in ourselves.