Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.

I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.

I have a problem with that silver medal. It's like, 'Congratulation s, you almost won. Of all the losers, you're the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you.'

We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.

When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.