Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.

The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.

The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.

The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.