Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.

You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.

Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.

Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.

Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.

Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.