If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.

To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

In my world, the wronger something feels, the righter it is.

Men want to make women happy.

I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.