If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.

And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the city.

Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.

There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.

The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.